Conglomeration of sorts.

I can't even figure out how to start this post. I have typed and erased the first line a million times but I'm leaving it at this. I have literally a dozen things running through my mind ranging from respect, guys, friendships, where my life is heading... everything, just spiralling through my head.

So here we go-- my attempt at sorting these thoughts out.

1. I have lost almost all respect for one of my friends. A friend that I felt like I could call a good friend. I won't go into detail because I never know who really reads this but... I cannot find it in me to fully respect someone that has no respect for the others around them and the events that they bring on themselves and then drag others into. If that makes any sense. With respect comes trust and if I don't respect you I'm not going to trust you either and without trust, I personally feel like you don't have anything.

2. After two past flings weaseling their way back into my life and spending time with one and attempting to just talk to the other, I see that the ship has passed so to speak. Those feelings, that I kind of hoped were there, aren't. I think I finally know how I want to feel when someone hugs me or kisses me or texts me etc and if I don't even slightly have that feeling, I'm not going to continue down that path. It isn't fair to the guy or myself. I, deep down, feel like the person I'm supposed to spend the rest of my life with isn't in Statesboro. I truly feel like I have so much to offer someone and no one here sees that. I don't know. I'm kind of done trying. If it's supposed to work, it will. I know God has a plan for me, I just wish he'd atleast give me the outline.

3. I'm really curious as to where my life is headed. I don't know where I'll be a few years from now and while that is kind of exciting, it's also scary. While I have friends knowing they'll be here or there and married and whatever else, all I can do is laugh and say that I hope I'm out of college. I don't even attempt to joke about marriage anymore because dating is becoming a tense subject for me.

This is where the deep mumbo jumbo ends.

4. I am officially all moved into my new house. When my computer decides to read my SD card with pictures of my room, I will upload them and write a post. Until now, just know it's cute.

5. My surgery is next Tuesday. I'm kind of freaking out about it but I'll be ok.

I really have so much more running through my mind pertaining to the respect issue and the whole guy issue but I can't put it into words enough to talk about it. It's a lot I just need to sit dow and sort through and that's that.