Don't abuse the "best friend" title.

I have got to vent.

Ok, I'm to the point to where I'm going to call everyone an acquaintance. It's getting really old to feel like for a few months someone is your friend and the next few months the same someone barely even speaks to you. To me, that isn't a friend, that isn't a friend at all. Reality check, I've never expected the Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants kind of friendship but I do expect that if I call you a friend, that you atleast act like one. If I'm sick, offer to bring me something if needed. I do that much for you. If you can tell something is wrong with me, ask me, even if you really could care less, it's the thought that counts. I do that much for you. I'm not a fan of the term "best friend", because I honestly have never had one. And at 21, I do find that sad. I find it sad that after all of this time, I've yet to make a friend that I could truly trust and share things with, and make a lasting friendship. I still have friends that I've had for years, but they aren't my "best friends". People now a days call people "best friends" like we change socks, and it's not right. For me to honestly even consider calling you that title, I have to really believe that you're going to be there for me, and so far I've done nothing but "award" that title to non-deserving people. I've given that precious title to people that when I look back now, didn't deserve it. Yes, there are people that I'm friends with that have been there for me through it all, and that through my blunders have picked me up and stood beside me, and I am ever so grateful for those people, those people do deserve that title. But in all reality, I have given the title of "best friend" to the girls that I had a good time with. The girls that made sure I was invited to happy hour every week and the girls that made sure I was included in the social events of the weekend. I gave that title to girls that I'm not sure I will even keep in contact with after graduation. I should have thought twice before doing that. As I sit and write this, and think hard about the people I've met along the way and the real friendships I do believe I have made, I feel as if I can now see the "fake" friendships I thought I had. I had blinders on, and I admit that. Having "friends" that only call you here or there always makes me put myself down, because I always wonder what did I do wrong, what did I do to make them not talk to me anymore? I didn't do anything. I simply have always been myself, and if being myself means you only want me around 50% of the time, then I only want you around me 50% of the time, and you will not be given anymore consideration into my life than I consider people I pass daily while walking to class. I have always struggled with this sort of thing. When people bum rush me for months and then drop me, I always question myself instead of questioning them. Now, that I do question them, their answer is always "Oh, I haven't done anything but sleep and homework". Well I'm calling bullshit, because remember that handy-dandy site called Facebook that everybody puts their entire life on, yeah it tells all. I'm not dumb, and that news feed gives it all up. I will honestly admit that I am thoroughly jealous of people that have true best friends; those girls that no matter what have your back, your front, your side, your whatever, and that you can trust whole-heartedly will be there for you. I envy you. Deep down I know that 9 times out of 10 I've been the best type of friend I can be. There are times where I do lack on my friend qualities with some people, but I'm only human, I'm not perfect. But when it boils down to being called or calling someone a "best friend", those are the friendships I make sure I work the hardest at, because those are the friendships I value most. Now that I'm 21, and I don't live at home, I've come to see that my mom is truly my best friend and she always will be. No matter what, she is always a phone call away, and sometimes even a drive, and she listens to me about anything and everything. Not just because she's my mom, but because she cares. I enjoy that. And I wish I could find those same qualities in someone my own age.

I simply needed to vent. I'm only human, and getting your feelings hurt is just a part of life and the way the cookie crumbles sometimes. We all have those days, and today is mine. I know that I do have real friends in my life, and I've got to start looking past the fake ones and truly and greatly appreciate the real ones in my life.