"I feel bad that I can stand here strong, cold as stone,
seems to wrong, I can't explain it. Maybe it's just I've
cried so much. I'm tired and I'm numb, baby, I
hate it. I feel bad that I don't feel bad."
While laying in bed last night trying to fall asleep listening to Rascal Flatts on the iPod, this song came on and I wasn't really paying attention and all the sudden the chorus came on and it struck a chord with me so I didn't even finish the song the first time through I quickly restarted it to listen to ALL of the lyrics this time around. After listening to the entire song I felt like it fit how I was feeling lately and I literally replayed it at least five times before I decided to try to fall asleep minus the iPod. While still trying to fall asleep, I kept thinking about the lyrics to the song and all the people in my life right now that have walked or are walking out of my life and I don't feel bad about it.
There comes a time where you have to get rid (as harsh as that may sound) of people that only hurt you and only bring you down. Your friends, crushes, significant others are supposed to pick you up and they're supposed to make you feel good and make you want to be a better friend and a better person. I'm guilty of letting toxic people affect my life. They've affected my life so much that I've lost a part of me somewhere. The girl that walked out of my parent's house many, many years ago isn't the same girl that walks back in this house today. I've let guys tear me apart and make me feel like I'm not good enough and I've let people break down my self confidence. In the past few weeks I have let people go. I have let them walk away from me and I didn't care. I still don't care. Where I may have shed a tear before, I didn't even think to cry about what was happening. I knew in my heart that it was time. You can't hold on to people that don't want to hold on to you and everyone's true colors do shine through and to this day I wish these true colors would shine through within the first week instead of many months down the road. I don't feel bad that I've turned my back on certain people. It's time to move on. If I continue down this toxic path of letting people hurt me and not kicking them to the curb when it happens then I will be 30 and look like I'm 50 from all of the stress I have put on myself. I'm tired of letting other people control my happiness and how I feel about myself. I'm not a weak person, but I'm not as strong as I was four years ago and it's my mission to get that Michelle back. It's my mission to gain that self confidence back and make myself happy.
I'm not saying everyone I come in contact with hurts me and I'm not saying everyone that I'm friends with treats me badly. But I can promise you that if you put 10 people from my past in a room together, seven of them will have hurt me in some way, shape, or form. They will have been a horrible friend that stabbed me in the back or they will be a guy that led me on and dropped me to date another girl. Every time something less than mediocre has happened to me in my life, especially the older I've gotten, I've blamed myself and have constantly beat myself up about what I did wrong. I'm not perfect and I don't claim to be, I know that I have flaws and while I'm not blaming everything on the other person, it's time to take a step back and realize that sometimes two people either as friends or as more just aren't compatible and sometimes while trying to realize whether you are or are not compatible, feelings get thrown in the mix and in the end someone's feelings do get hurt and typically they end up being mine.
It's time to move on and on and on. I don't feel bad about the people I've walked away from lately; it was much needed. No tears will be shed. I will turn the page and start on a blank one and go from there.
Song info: I Feel Bad by Rascal Flatts
There comes a time where you have to get rid (as harsh as that may sound) of people that only hurt you and only bring you down. Your friends, crushes, significant others are supposed to pick you up and they're supposed to make you feel good and make you want to be a better friend and a better person. I'm guilty of letting toxic people affect my life. They've affected my life so much that I've lost a part of me somewhere. The girl that walked out of my parent's house many, many years ago isn't the same girl that walks back in this house today. I've let guys tear me apart and make me feel like I'm not good enough and I've let people break down my self confidence. In the past few weeks I have let people go. I have let them walk away from me and I didn't care. I still don't care. Where I may have shed a tear before, I didn't even think to cry about what was happening. I knew in my heart that it was time. You can't hold on to people that don't want to hold on to you and everyone's true colors do shine through and to this day I wish these true colors would shine through within the first week instead of many months down the road. I don't feel bad that I've turned my back on certain people. It's time to move on. If I continue down this toxic path of letting people hurt me and not kicking them to the curb when it happens then I will be 30 and look like I'm 50 from all of the stress I have put on myself. I'm tired of letting other people control my happiness and how I feel about myself. I'm not a weak person, but I'm not as strong as I was four years ago and it's my mission to get that Michelle back. It's my mission to gain that self confidence back and make myself happy.
I'm not saying everyone I come in contact with hurts me and I'm not saying everyone that I'm friends with treats me badly. But I can promise you that if you put 10 people from my past in a room together, seven of them will have hurt me in some way, shape, or form. They will have been a horrible friend that stabbed me in the back or they will be a guy that led me on and dropped me to date another girl. Every time something less than mediocre has happened to me in my life, especially the older I've gotten, I've blamed myself and have constantly beat myself up about what I did wrong. I'm not perfect and I don't claim to be, I know that I have flaws and while I'm not blaming everything on the other person, it's time to take a step back and realize that sometimes two people either as friends or as more just aren't compatible and sometimes while trying to realize whether you are or are not compatible, feelings get thrown in the mix and in the end someone's feelings do get hurt and typically they end up being mine.
It's time to move on and on and on. I don't feel bad about the people I've walked away from lately; it was much needed. No tears will be shed. I will turn the page and start on a blank one and go from there.
Song info: I Feel Bad by Rascal Flatts
I agree. Sometimes you HAVE to "clean" people out in order to help yourself...and in the end, that's the most important thing
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