I feel like I need Dr Phil.

Ok, real talk.

I question myself continously wondering why I don't have a significant other? It's not like I have a shortage of people talking to me, it's just I have a shortage of people wanting to take it further. Sometimes I feel like while people like my personality, it's also part of the reason why guys don't take me seriously enough to want to date me. I'm loud, outgoing, smart, opinionated, caring, and I never meet a stranger. So I wonder what part don't they like? Do they not like that I'm outgoing and never meet a stranger? Does that intimidate them? Maybe. Do they not like that I'm opinionated? Maybe they want a girl that they can run all over and well quite frankly I enjoy standing my ground and saying what I think. I don't know. Deep down I just feel I haven't met that guy that's going to like me for me, opinions, flaws and all. But sometimes I feel hopeless like I'm never going to meet him. And what if I don't? Maybe he isn't in Statesboro. Maybe he is in the next place I start a new chapter of my life. The older I've gotten the selfish side of me has started to feel relieved that I've been single. Also, I haven't had the mindset of marriage after graduation because I look at not being married in my mid to late twenties as a chance to be free and travel and experience all these magnificant things, but at the same time it would be nice to experience all those things with someone special. But right now, I want that person to call when I make a good grade, to hug when I've had a bad day, and to bake cupcakes for just because I can. I feel like I'm stuck between a rock and a hard spot. Because while I say I want all that, the selfish part of me slaps the other part of me and says, "SNAP OUT OF IT!". Part of me is wondering am I committment phobic? No seriously, hear me out. I said earlier there is a shortage of guys wanting to date me, right? Well I think that's more of how I feel than what's really going on. If a guy acts interested in me, or blatenly says he is, or makes an effort to do things to show that he likes me, the Michelle in my head is stomping the brakes repeatedly trying to shift into reverse. Why? Hell if I know. Part of me thinks it's because I know I can't see myself with him and it going anywhere in the future, and the other part of me thinks it's because the actual thought of not being single kind of "scares" me. You know how people that are always in relationships don't really "know" how to be single, well I don't really "know" how to be in a relationship. I've never had a good one, ever. I know what I wish a relationship could be like, but the geenie only gives 3 wishes so I guess sometimes I'm out of luck. Thanks alot G. If you haven't noticed I "don't know" alot of things and I "feel" about everything. When is reality going to slap me and give me some answers? Since I've spent pretty much every semester in college wondering when if I'm going to get a boyfriend or not, I've made the decision to quit worrying about it, to worry about school and my friendships. Worrying, for lack of a better word, about relationships throws me out of whack constantly and I'm not going to let it anymore. What's important is that I have an awesome, supportive family and great friends to get me by and a boyfriend is supposed to just add to the greatness, and one day (hopefully) he will.

XOXO, Michelle