You can't move forward if you're always looking back.

"The only thing that scares me more than commitment is never having commitment." #SGP

I mentioned last week that I was ready for commitment and that I was ready to love someone. Well, the more I think about it the more I realize that I'm scared to have commitment. I am still working on letting go of my past. A past that includes shitty boyfriends and douchebag flings. A whole lot of time invested in people that I can conclude were "momentary lacks in judgment." My friends always joke that they need an index card to keep up with who I'm talking to this week or ask who the flavor of the month is, and I laugh and make some comment jokingly. But inside it makes me really upset when they ask me these questions. I always wonder if this is why I'm single. If this is why guys love to talk to me but can't take it any further. I'm just always searching for something. I just want to be accepted and wanted. Those are just human emotions we all feel. I am genuinely afraid that I will never have commitment. I'm afraid that I'm going to be 30 and still single asking myself, "Where did I go wrong"? 

The main reason I'm afraid I will never have commitment is because I can't let go of the past. I try and I try and when I feel like I'm over it, something happens and I realize that I'm not over it after all. How do I overcome the failed attempts at relationships from my past? Your past shapes your future. And so far all my past has done for my future is make me a paranoid, cautious girl.

I know I've probably had this same topic of blog conversation numerous times, but this plagues my thoughts constantly and this blog helps me collect my thoughts.